Monday, June 1, 2009
Bye Bye Birdie
This excerpt has been reprinted with permission from my friend Rebecca. She sent it as an email and I begged her to let me post it because I knew others would enjoy and relate to this sweet little essay on the nature of change and female empowerment.
Yesterday I went to Birdies, a low-key, unusually small, upscale lingerie store. I had never been before. I had been saving up for 3 months at $10 per week. I entered the store and was so nervous I was trembling. I had to shake my head at myself. Grown-ass woman of nearly 50 years should be able to buy herself some panties without being nervous.
It was the sight of all that lace, bows and see through stuff. It made me want to run. I can't wear that stuff- I am "Fruit of the Loom"- basic, clean easy lines, cotton, cheap! I had e-mailed the gals of Birdies ahead of time and said I wanted some POWER panties, not to please a guy but to please me. Something to tell me... I am worth a nice pair of panties- maybe with a bow or something that will force me a bit out of my comfort zone. After the slow death of my 21 year relationship to a really good guy, I was finally in the last phase of the mourning process - acceptance. I was ready to begin the next phase and going to Birdies was a big step.
They found the perfect pair of basic “Elle Macpherson” panties with just the right amount of girli-ness to balance the strength of its basic-ness. They had me try them on over my own undies. I really liked them but seriously... trying on panties and looking in the three-way mirror seems a bit extreme!
Of course, the sales gals went gahgah and asked me to try on a gazillion items, each just a little more girlie or sensual but never in my perceived “nasty” range. They were working hard to find me a comfort zone. They were full of compliments as they must make those sales but also because some were truly deserved! I looked like a voluptuously curvy 50s pin-up in some of those apparel! Panties, bras, swimming suits, a soft little dress that I adored but couldn’t afford. It was really fun! A fun hour just for me.
Behind the closed door of the dressing room, I looked at the prices and everything was out of my price range so I stuck to my original plan and budget. I was happy but wanted to think overnight on the bra at $70. I had a fun hour extending myself to become someone I wasn't but reality awaited. Reality, reality, reality... and then bam. I started crying right there in that stupid dressing room surrounded by all these pretty little panties and bras and soft clothes. I was crying because I felt pretty and lovely and sensual and like a woman.
I lingered in there so the cheerful gals outside would not notice and I gave way to a reflection of my past and anticipation of my future, a new phase in my life. This was the first step, a big step, right there in Birdies looking at myself, flaws and all, and loving what I saw in that three-way mirror. I felt like a real woman and not that "tom-boy" kind of gal that I really am or thought I was.
And there wasn't one man around and I knew I didn’t need a man to make me feel that way... it was the panties... I had found my POWER panties and they pleased me. Mission accomplished Birdies!
I am going tomorrow for that bra after another visit to the ATM and I am not crying!